New Blog for a New Season.

Recently I became a Youth pastor. God has thrust me into a new phase of life, into a new season. And because of this I decided that I should start a new blog. It has the same heart, same visions and same goals, but just a new location. Check it out at mikerutledge.tumblr.com

He Answered.

It has been a long while since the last I wrote. The very post I wrote talked about my passion for God and to see a change, revival, and revolution in Canada, and I can greatly say He has answered.

For the past 5 weeks I have been in the midst of change at my school, Redeemer University.

God led me to meet 2 amazing guys, Josh and Jordan, and the three of us went to God with a desire for Revival. We run a worship group on Wednesday nights and God shows up every time! It is truly incredible. In about 5 weeks the group has jumped from 8 people to 32! And we expecting even more growth, and more importantly than numbers, is that peoples hearts are turning back to their first Love.

Last week a guy named Jason came out for the first time. Never before had he been exposed to an atmosphere of Praise that he found at the group and he gave us the testimony that he had never felt God the way he did that night! How amazing.

A bunch of the people that come to the group are taking Jesus out side the group as well. Every Thursday we go around the school and prophesy and encourage students and all we have received are great reports, and people telling us that God has been speaking through us to them! He is truly working!

Just yesterday my friend told that he is really sensing a change within the School, and on Sunday a girl came up to myself and Josh and asked if we could pray for her because she wanted what we had. God is moving and melting the hearts of the students.

People who never thought they could hear God's voice are prophesying into peoples lives. They are praying prayers from the heart of God. They are connecting with Him in worship, in spirit and in truth. My God is sending the rain on the famine.

We even have taken it further, to the mall. On friday's a group of 8-12 of us head to Limeridge mall and just share the Love of God where ever we can. Yes, people reject us all the time, but we are speaking life and love into the lives of people every week! God is moving and we are just jumping on board!

This is why I haven't written in a long time. I have been busy with Jesus. This description cannot even give it justice - the amazing things God is doing - but it is just to give praise to our King, He is faithful, He will Answer our desperate prayers.

Revolution is hitting our land.

Whisper of Friend.

"The LORD said, "Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the LORD, for the LORD is about to pass by." Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave. " (1 Kings 19:11-13 NIV)

To many times we go to God expecting an answer that resembles the wind, earthquake and fire. We want to huge booming voice of God to come and rattle us to the core. An experience that is life changing every time He speaks to us.

Elijah probably had the same type of expectation with each new event on the mountain top. But if Elijah was too stubborn to only respond to a fixed expectation of dramatic proportions then he would have missed the gentle whisper.

In Exodus, God speaks to Moses as a friend speaks to a friend. Every time I talk to my friends I don't have life altering experiences. I find this same thing with God. The more I spend time with Him, the more I realize that He does talk just as a friend would. Giving the best advice we could ask for, or gentle prompts to do or say certain things, but hardly ever the huge booming voice that shakes the ground.

Not to say that He won't do that, but more often then not He speaks to us as the friend, the companion, a guide. It's more our job to listen and allow His words to sink in and shake us to our cores, to change our lives forever. We have a choice to listen or reject Him.

In my experience even when God is digging deep into us and revealing our dark places, it is still the voice of a friend. We grow up knowing God as our Father, Saviour, King, and Lord, but have you taken time to know Him as your friend? Today go to Him and listen not for the fire or earthquake but the gentle whisper of a friend.

Listen.

So quickly we rush to the throne of God carrying all of our cares and worries and laying them before Him. Our lips never stop moving and we unload ourselves onto Him. Now, there is nothing wrong with going to God and casting our cares on Him, in fact the Bible says we can, but often we forget the very real 2 way communication God longs for.

Listening is often forgotten, but is just as, if not more, important than the talking part. God is always talking and guiding. Whispering words of grace and love and sometimes we are talking to loud to hear them.

This is just an encouragement to shut your mouth and wait on God. Listen to Him, He is saying something that you need to hear...

life

Today could very well be your last day walking on the face of this earth. That is the constant reality we all face - religious or not. We have all questioned what is next, if there really is meaning to our lives.

We continually search for the one thing that can satisfy our deep longing for fulfillment, often using the next girl or guy that walks into our lives, or drugs, alcohol, or even learning. But every time we delve deep into our craving we feel the satisfaction for a time but then, like after a sugar rush, we crash. We hit the bottom and feel empty all over again so we head back to whatever it is we use .. girls, drugs, whatever.

At this point I would like to apologize for be so selfish. For years I passed by students and random people and said nothing. I was too selfish to tell you that I know the answer, I know what can satisfy.

In a world where we are taught that its all about you, what you can do for you, and to just leave everyone else on the side, we are seldom truly real about what is going on inside. We hate to think of our loneliness, emptiness, and brokenness even though they are frighteningly real.

Our inquiry about the future has led us nowhere the further we get away from God. To live as though there is no purpose is really not living at all. Fallen humans who are fallible and do incredibly foolish things need a saviour.

There is no other faith that offers the love that Christ does. God's love and grace is inconceivable to Muslims, His peace and tranquility surpasses Nirvana, His sacrifice and suffering baffles Jews, His creativity astounds scientists, His Lordship is longer and more powerful than any other king in history, His freedom brings life, and His passion for you is indescribable.

We all have faith in something, be it God or colliding hydrogen atoms. Just think about where yours lies. He is offering salvation, it is simply yours to take.

Amazing God.

I can very much relate to the difficulty Jews have with grasping Jesus as the Messiah.

When thinking about God it is so much more reasonable and understandable to think of Him as the Big Judge up in heaven looking down giving us right and wrong. Knowing God as a holy law giver is so much easier than knowing God as the one that Loves.

The love that the Bible offers is one that is unfathomable to highest degree and when I ponder it, I often end up frustrated and burned out. It makes absolutely no sense how God works. The grace of God that covers all sins makes even geniuses feel like fools. How could such a perfect God who cannot be around sin extend such grace so the we might know Him. It is truly amazing.

I really cannot even begin to write about it, it seems impossible to start, let alone describe in such a way that you might glimpse it. I know I have seen it at work in peoples lives, in how they are transformed, or how they love god back so deeply, but in my spirit I can feel the yearning to explain this love, but my language restricts my tongue.

Then how do we know this love? That is the beauty of God. He comes to have a personal, deeply intimate relationship with us. We can search for years, question and doubt, and be the best theologian with a knowledge of God and yet still never know God. "For the fool says in his heart there is no God." Psalms 14:1.

I don't really believe God cares whatsoever about how you intellectually know Him. Now don't get me wrong, biblical knowledge is critical, but to intellectualize God takes away His beauty and grace and love and His extreme unfathomability.

Growing up in the church can easily do that to people. Church kids have a great knowledge base of God but don't have a deep personal relationship with God. So as soon as anything comes against them God goes out the door.

WE NEED TO KNOW GOD, not from our heads but from our Hearts. It is the only way to really know Him, and trust me, it blows your mind. I am just beginning this journey of working all of this out and I have been completely amazed. I frequent find myself during my times of doing devotions I end up just singing "Your love is amazing!" over and over again.

I pray you begin to know God not from your mind but from the deepest part of your heart. It CHANGES EVERYTHING!

Bipolar

My heart has a disease. Many of ours do, but many of us go undiagnosed.

My heart is Bipolar. Normally this is a psychological disorder, Bipolar I Disorder, which describes when a person experiences dramatic mood swings from a state of mania - or excited state - to normal to depressed. Like a hug swing, the person experiences the extremes with times of normal in between. But my mind isn't Bipolar, my heart is.

There are the times when my heart is undergoing mania, where I am so alive in Christ, where nothing can hold me back. These moments of excitability feel amazing, one might call it a mountain top experience (I would not call it one of these, for mountain tops and valleys are key in a Christian life, a positive aspect, but the negative of the mania is depression, not a valley, not a good place). Here is where I live selflessly, lovingly, and abandoned to Christ. I enter into the deep emotion places of God and get lost, I could pray and fast for days, temptation don't even bother me. But here is where the decent occurs.

I begin to enter the normal state of heart. Where I love God, I still sing and worship, pray and read the bible, but now its starting to be a chore. Temptations all the sudden seem to be everywhere but it still easy to not fall in and stay strong. But the fire seems to be fading.

Then I hit the depression state, or as I like to call it coldness. This is where I am at my most vulnerable and selfish. The reason I call it coldness and not depressed is because having a cold heart is much easier to hide than a depressed one. I can sing and pray at church and then go home and lust, disrespect, slander, etc. Its a place I hate to be, and even hate the it exists at all. The problem is during it Im to selfish to care. I give into temptation because I feel like. Its like I go into a completely Godless state. Where I am aware of his rules but yet stare at him and break them. I watching him on the cross and laugh. It's the place where the devil sends most attacks on me, in ways you couldn't believe Im sure. No this isn't a valley or a storm, it is Hell, it is a place that is in complete lack of God. Once Satan is chipping away at my heart he goes for my head, my mind, my thoughts. The things I so desperately try to fight off are thoughts of grossness and evil to the very core, but I have no defense. I am in coldness.

Then its begins to get better again. I cry before God and run back to Him and it the cycle starts again.

There is not medication for this type of Bipolar. No doctor, psychiatrist, or counsellor can cure it. But yet it plagues the hearts of many christians, many of which are to afraid or embarrassed to admit to such a disease.

I want to be cured. I don't want to continue going through a cycle of emotions.

That is where I am, I am on the ground with nothing left, ashamed of what I am. I don't want to be fake, I yearn for authenticity. I want to stare temptation down and win always. I want to be recklessly abandoned to Christ.

I can feel the depths of my spirit wrestling with my flesh everyday, I can literally feel the tension. I want to break apart and allow all I am to be destroyed and built by God, but my selfishness would rather be popular and have friends.

I just want to Love God with all I am. I pray that you do as well. I pray you that you get help if you suffer from the disease which I to suffer with. I, We, know the medication - the only medication - so let us go and get it.

Desperate

Desperation isn't a sunday morning emotion but a every second state. Christians love to use the phrase "I am desperate for God." This to is usually said in a sunday morning service. The question then is what does desperation look like? Because I think it's not how most of actually live.

des·per·ate - Having lost all hope; despairing. Marked by, arising from, or showing despair: the desperate look of hunger; a desperate cry for help. Reckless or violent because of despair: a desperate criminal. Undertaken out of extreme urgency or as a last resort: a desperate attempt to save the family business. Nearly hopeless; critical: a desperate illness; a desperate situation. Suffering or driven by great need or distress: desperate for recognition. Extremely intense: felt a desperate urge to tell the truth.

Hopeless, despair, hunger, reckless, extreme urgency, last resort, suffering, extremely intense. These are just some of the words used to define desperate. And the state of desperation is define as recklessness arising from despair. These are huge words.

A hopeless, reckless, extreme, intense and urgent pursuit of God is what defines being desperate for him. That He is our only and last resort. That we pour everything we are, all our effort, laying down our own self for a glimpse, for a taste, for a second of Him - that is desperate.

We sang the well-known christian song Breathe by Michael W Smith, in church on sunday. The one that goes, "And I, I am lost without you, And I, I am desperate for you." But I found my mouth unable to utter the words. The Lord kept telling me to watch what I say. I knew that I wasn't desperate for Him, and if I wasn't why would I dare tell God I am and lie?

That is where God began to work on me. Questioning me, testing me. Asking me if I am desperate. Asking me what the even looks like. The worst part was realizing that I wasn't. But what hit me hardest is that many christians aren't and are not even aware of it.

To many of us walk around completely independent of God. We talk of our love for Him, we sing the songs and pray the prayers when people are around, but when we are all alone, or there are no christians around to make us feel bad, we delve into our own selfish way of life.

Desperation means we abandon everything we think we know, need, and want for God. We get rid of our twisted longing for freedom of authority and run to the throne room of our King. The Bible tells us that we are nothing if not for God, that He needs to be all we are and desire. David writes that more than anything in the world, He desired nothing more then God.

If you were hungry, you would do anything to get food. If you were wet, you would do anything to get shelter. If someone you loved was dying, you would do all you can to save them. You would be recklessly abandoned to your cause. That is what it means to be desperate for the Lord.

Recklessly abandoned to him and all HE REQUIRES OF YOU. Seeking His face with a passion that is unmatched by any other passion in this world.

Hard to Swallow

You adulterous people, don't you know that friendship with the world is hatred toward God? Anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God. James 4:4

Just think about it..

Life

Life can get rough. Lets be honest, even with the creator of the universe on our side life can still flat out suck. None of this theological jargon and high lever thinking, being real is the way to go with this one. The weight of life at time seems unbearable.

I found myself at a point where my mind literally felt heavy and I just wanted to close my eyes and sleep. All the expectations of my first year of university were shattered, no basketball, the pressures of money and marks were hurled on my shoulders, and I was just being dragged in the dust of life. Coming off the spiritual high of camp, the place I found myself felt like God was an infinite distance away, that I was back to the start of my spiritual journey. As if I didn't even know Him, that all the promises He made weren't real or happening.

I found myself praying "Where are you!? How long will I be alone?!" quite often. It was like the spirit had departed and left me hanging.

I do recognize that with the sudden jump into the hectic life of university and working, I did not spend the time with God that I wanted. But I still made Him the integral part of my day, giving my day to Him in the morning, trying to listen to Him all day long, and spending quiet time with him at home. But yet I was far away, in a totally different place than He was.

I found myself saying all the right things; I have God I don't need anything else, this is a great learning experience, I know God is faithful and here. But that was just a bunch head knowledge, and head knowledge really, means nothing.

(Now I will say that through this whole time I knew He had me in His hands, and I could wake up every morning and smile because of it)

And I came the point where I went to God and just started praying for other people, sort of giving up on my own cause. Anyone who came to mind I starting praying for. As I finished I ask God what He wanted me to read from the Bible. In the back of my mind I thought, how cool it would be if God would just give me some verse that would give me the answer I needed for my life right now, but really I expected that God would just give me whatever He had.

As I waited on Him, He told me to read Psalms 13. I had no idea what is was. So I turned there with no expectations, and this is what I began to read...

"How long, O LORD ? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me? Look on me and answer, O LORD my God. Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death; my enemy will say, "I have overcome him," and my foes will rejoice when I fall. But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing to the LORD, for he has been good to me."

Basically, everything I was calling out to God about David was too! God gave me exactly what I was searching for.

The best part was, that in the Psalm how does David resolve his problem? Despite of his circumstance, which probably didn't get resolved right when he prayed this, he came to rest in one thing : the unfailing love of God. David knew that even when he felt like God had turned his face from him, he still knew that God's love would never fail him, never abandoned him and that because of Gods love anything that happens doesn't need to complete destroy his world. God's love always has your back.

In my time of distress and crap, God showed me the Cross. He showed me the power of His unfailing love. Now my problems haven't left, but I can stare them down and walk as a victor.

So when life is getting you down, let God pick you up. His love never fails, His love conquers all.

I pray that today you will take time just to bask in His love, let him rain down some unbelievable love onto your soul. Be blessed.

.

And I saw the King seated on the throne. His crown shimmering gloriously, and the train of his robe extending all the way down to me. He began to extend His hand out to me, so I tried to grab it. I couldn't reach. I used all my might, jumped, hollered, I did whatever I could even for just a brief grasping of His hand. But nothing, I couldn't reach. I turned in anguish, dismayed I ran the other way, tears flowing down my face, embarrassed and lost.

Then from the Kings right hand side came running His son. The Prince was running after me. I felt Him tugging at my cloak, bidding me to turn around. I turned to see a man, with fire in His eyes, but it was as though the fire burned for me, it was soothing yet terrifying. He took my hand, and reached for His fathers'. He could reach both sides. He uttered to me that this was His purpose, this is what He did for me and instantly we were brought to the middle of a cosmic battle.

Bloody and scarred I saw the Prince fighting a million enemies. Laughing and tormenting Him all the while He stood taking blow after blow until finally He fell, and a loud growl roared from the enemy. They all began to jump on the fallen Prince, as almost to devour Him. Their leader called his legions to retreat so that he could have the final blow. As he walked over he put his foot on the Prince's head, "Today, I have dominion" I heard roll off his tongue. Then I saw it, I saw the Prince's finger began to twitch...He was alive. Was it all a plan? Did He lure the evil one to Him? The evil one noticed just as I had and with a shriek he summoned his legions back on the Prince. But they couldn't pin him down, and like a nuclear blast, a radiant light shown out from the middle of pile, blowing the evil one and his legions in every direction. Thats when I saw the Prince standing victorious. All the evil one's warriors hid their faces and ran from the Prince, but the evil one did not. He began to laugh, almost as if to mock the Prince. But thats when the Prince pulled out the keys, and the evil one's face dropped. He began patting himself down, to check for the keys for he was in denial. The Prince walked over to the evil one and proclaimed, "My Father has dominion, not you." and with that He kicked the evil one right in the chest and I watched him almost fold in half from the blow and fall to the ground. The Prince turned to me, with that fire in His eyes and even a grin on His face for He knew what He had accomplished.

We were back in the King's court, the moment when the Prince extended His hand. When I realized what the Prince had done for me, how could I not take His hand? Before I grabbed it He said, "We offer you all of us, for all of you. Every piece of your heart, the good and the bad, and the parts that you hold as secrets. Come follow me, do as I command. I love you and gave my all for you. You will at times forget me, reject my law, and live in rebellion, but my Love covers you. But give me all of you, your dreams, gifts, freedom and rights, and I shall give you life, and life to the full."

I grabbed His hand with all that was in me. Giving my life was an easy trade in for an audience with the King. The illusion of freedom I had to surrender was nothing compared to spending eternity in the light of His glorious face.

As for me..

¹⁴ "Now fear the LORD and serve him with all faithfulness. Throw away the gods your forefathers worshiped beyond the River and in Egypt, and serve the LORD. ¹⁵ But if serving the LORD seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your forefathers served beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD."¹⁶ Then the people answered, "Far be it from us to forsake the LORD to serve other gods! ¹⁷ It was the LORD our God himself who brought us and our fathers up out of Egypt, from that land of slavery, and performed those great signs before our eyes. He protected us on our entire journey and among all the nations through which we traveled.¹⁸ And the LORD drove out before us all the nations, including the Amorites, who lived in the land. We too will serve the LORD, because he is our God."¹⁹ Joshua said to the people, "You are not able to serve the LORD. He is a holy God; he is a jealous God. He will not forgive your rebellion and your sins. ²⁰ If you forsake the LORD and serve foreign gods, he will turn and bring disaster on you and make an end of you, after he has been good to you." Joshua 24:14-20 (NIV)

The covenant between God and His people was being reestablished when Joshua uttered these words. The Israelites have been given the law, they know the law, and clearly have not been keeping it perfectly. I love his opening statement, FEAR the Lord and serve him faithfully. The people of Israel always end up following other idols, these containable "gods". He reminds the people first of the awesomeness of Yahweh, that He is deserving of our fear. Then he urges the people to either choose God fully or just deny Him totally! Joshua boldly calls out a whole nation. And then he publicly declares his choice is God, and not only him, but his whole house and family. And of course, like anyone who was just challenged to this extent, the Israelites say that they do choose God, claiming they know that it would be wrong to not choose Him. But then again Joshua puts them in their place, harshly, but yet appropriately. He bluntly states that we as humans cannot serve God in ourselves. He says God is Holy, God is jealous, and that God does not tolerate an unfaithful heart. But then, Joshua does something incredible; he reminds the people that God is GOOD. He says that God is good to His people, and that God has been, and will be good. So all in all God DESERVES our faithfulness, but just like Joshua said, echoing the words of Moses in Deuteronomy, it is a day of choice! Choose God, choose Him fully. Don't play the risky game of walking on the fence.

Ps 119 is full of the love of God's law. That is what I am trying to say. God is a God of grace and love, but He is also a God of standards and expectations. We have no right to define what is right and wrong, God is the Lord not you. Submit your heart to Him, or reject Him. It is time that a people rise up who take seriously the call to holiness. I don't know about you, but I'm sick and tired of seeing half hearted Christianity hiding behind the abusing of God's grace, even within my own soul. God never said anything about an easy life, but He did promise life to the full.

Again I say it is a day of decision. Choose life or death, blessing or curse. But choose fully, ready to accept ALL of who God is, not just the parts that suit your life.