I found myself at a point where my mind literally felt heavy and I just wanted to close my eyes and sleep. All the expectations of my first year of university were shattered, no basketball, the pressures of money and marks were hurled on my shoulders, and I was just being dragged in the dust of life. Coming off the spiritual high of camp, the place I found myself felt like God was an infinite distance away, that I was back to the start of my spiritual journey. As if I didn't even know Him, that all the promises He made weren't real or happening.
I found myself praying "Where are you!? How long will I be alone?!" quite often. It was like the spirit had departed and left me hanging.
I do recognize that with the sudden jump into the hectic life of university and working, I did not spend the time with God that I wanted. But I still made Him the integral part of my day, giving my day to Him in the morning, trying to listen to Him all day long, and spending quiet time with him at home. But yet I was far away, in a totally different place than He was.
I found myself saying all the right things; I have God I don't need anything else, this is a great learning experience, I know God is faithful and here. But that was just a bunch head knowledge, and head knowledge really, means nothing.
(Now I will say that through this whole time I knew He had me in His hands, and I could wake up every morning and smile because of it)
And I came the point where I went to God and just started praying for other people, sort of giving up on my own cause. Anyone who came to mind I starting praying for. As I finished I ask God what He wanted me to read from the Bible. In the back of my mind I thought, how cool it would be if God would just give me some verse that would give me the answer I needed for my life right now, but really I expected that God would just give me whatever He had.
As I waited on Him, He told me to read Psalms 13. I had no idea what is was. So I turned there with no expectations, and this is what I began to read...
"How long, O LORD ? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me? Look on me and answer, O LORD my God. Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death; my enemy will say, "I have overcome him," and my foes will rejoice when I fall. But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing to the LORD, for he has been good to me."
Basically, everything I was calling out to God about David was too! God gave me exactly what I was searching for.
The best part was, that in the Psalm how does David resolve his problem? Despite of his circumstance, which probably didn't get resolved right when he prayed this, he came to rest in one thing : the unfailing love of God. David knew that even when he felt like God had turned his face from him, he still knew that God's love would never fail him, never abandoned him and that because of Gods love anything that happens doesn't need to complete destroy his world. God's love always has your back.
In my time of distress and crap, God showed me the Cross. He showed me the power of His unfailing love. Now my problems haven't left, but I can stare them down and walk as a victor.
So when life is getting you down, let God pick you up. His love never fails, His love conquers all.
I pray that today you will take time just to bask in His love, let him rain down some unbelievable love onto your soul. Be blessed.
No comments:
Post a Comment